Love-less and Love-some

               The Third Wheel ….

                        “How good are we to the world?” is the first question we all need to ask ourselves. “What are we doing of this one life we have?” is probably the second one we need to ask. “Are we loving the world the way its loving us?” is certainly the third one, and there are infinite questions which are coming to my mind this very second!

Is studying, working at a commercial place, getting married and having a normal life like anyone else, the only thing we can do as the most intelligent species on this earth? Isn’t there so much out there on this globe to change? Aren’t we wasting this wonderful opportunity of being alive?

All such thoughts started attacking my mind when I was in the 4:26 slow train from church gate to borivali. I was trying to figure out What is it that is holding me back? What is it that is not allowing me to look at the bigger picture? Why is not the society more prominent for me, rather than the one individual I am thinking about all the time? I would stare at the towers passing by and the waters and the people that didn’t even care who I was! All I could see was their eyes which were filled with Hope. A hope for change, a hope for something better than today. And it struck to my mind, that there is one person who is trying to stop me from doing something for this world, there is one person who is holding me back every second. And I asked the friend sitting opposite, “Why am I doing this to myself?” and he replied, “because you have stopped thinking about the world!”

I was writing this whole story down while travelling from thane to borivali at 10 in the night, after a beautiful interview with “Shrimati Manikandan”

What does my nation WANTS to know about this personality? ‘She is a Tamilian, she is a Hindu, she is Dark in color, she stays in Khopar kharne which is in thane and most significantly she is a Transgender!’ What my nation SHOULD know about this personality?  ‘She is a normal human being just like us!’. Shrimati, earlier known as Manikandan is a 20-year-old transgender who came to Bombay five months ago. She was one of the humblest, kind, understanding, lovable yet strong and courageous human beings I ever met. She didn’t come to this city with dreams as big as castles, her reason were different. When we (Nikitha Nair, Rohan karnik and me) interviewed her which lasted for two long hours, we found one more interesting story which this city needs to know.

INTERVIEW

1.  What’s your full name?

         My name is Shrimati Manikandan, Manikandan was my real name. when I was a boy. Now it’s Shrimati. You can write Shrimati M.

2.  Where are you from? Your hometown?

I am from Tamil Nadu; my home town is Salem district.

3.  Can you tell us about your family?

Family is normal, a mom, a dad. I have two elder sisters and I am the only brother.

4.  Are you educated?

Yes! I am B.COM, bachelors in commerce ……I did my graduation with Tamil, English, Accounts, Indian economy, History and commerce. I love maths.  

5.  Which school and college did you study in?

I studied in Government Higher School. Namallkal district. I did my college from Government Arts College, Salem district.  

6.  How many languages can you speak? 

I can speak English, Tamil, Malayali, and bit Hindi.

7.  When you did B.COM, why didn’t you choose to work?

 I tried, I wanted to work in a bank. I even tried applying for the exams. But our society doesn’t allow us to work. I like bank jobs a lot.

8.  This city is new to you, what do you have to say about it? How does it feel being in Bombay or Mumbai?

(laughs) It’s good! Bombay is like a business city; I haven’t been to a lot of places but one was Girgaon Chowpatty. Bombay is like Chennai, building and cars …... nothing different.

9.  Why did you choose to come to this city? What’s the reason?

 I love other states of the country than Tamil Nadu. There’s different culture, different language, different human beings. People are very open minded here. No such particular reason, just that my parents didn’t want to accept me, they said we already have two daughters, we don’t need one more. You are more like dead to us. I did want to stay there, I had faced a lot of torture and insult. Hence I decided to leave the place and come to Bombay.

10.                    Do you all, the Trans genders live in a community?

We used to, everyone was living together but they are too strict, they would ask me to be in the house by 10 in the night, get up early, eat at this time, do this, do that! I couldn’t manage, and hence me and my mother (Jhanvi- so called transgender mother) moved out and we stay separately.

11.                    What do you have to say about LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender)?

 I don’t have much to say about the lesbians and gays, I really don’t have a liking for them, but I would love to tell people that we all are humans, my blood is the same and so is yours. We both are human beings. Yesterday I was in the train, in the ladies’ coach and I happen to ask a woman for money, she started making faces and spoke rudely to me, when I tried explaining her about the fact that we are humans too and we are just a bit different than you people, everything else is same and why would you treat us like this, she started crying! I felt horrible…. I said sorry, I told her I am sorry if I hurt you. She then started removing money from her purse, I stopped her and said, I don’t need your money, but please behave good to people.

12.                    Where do you work?

My duty is at CST, we dance in marriages, clap and earn money in the trains. We are even called when a new child is born. I don’t like this, but I have to do. That’s the only way of earning. I earn 4 thousand per month. Hijras in Tamil Nadu earn around 10 thousand.

13.                    Would you work if given a chance? Or would still do the present job?

Of course I would. I want to do something of my degree. My degree isn’t respected just because I am transgender. I would love to work in a bank as I said earlier.

14.                    Why is the day Friday so important for you all? There’s nothing as such, just that we do our Pooja and praise our god on Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. So these three days are important for us.

15.                    The society says, take the blessings of the Hijras but never take curses from them. What do you have to say about that?

See we are not god! We cannot do everything. You need to know that money makes us happy, if you give us money, we’ll be happy. It’s like if we bless 10 people, five might succeed but the rest five may not. You can’t blame it on us. We did our job. If you are nice to us, we’ll be nice to you. If you are not nice to us, why should we be nice to you!

16.                    How is the burial system of your community? It’s the same like yours, we have Hindus and Muslims in our community too. A lot in our community convert to Muslims. If people in our community die, if they are Hindus, we burn them. If they are Muslims, we bury them.   

17.                    Do you know all the Hijras of Mumbai?

Yes, maybe. If I give a call now, all the Hijras of Mumbai can come here. (Laughs). We are connected to all. We aren’t united. There’s a difference.

18.                    Do you vote?

Yes! I do vote. We have the right now.

19.                    Do you want to get married?

 Yes, I would love to get married. Be all beautiful, wear jewelry, wear sarees. I have a boyfriend. He is a civil engineer in Tamil Nadu. He is a boy like you. Normal! We love each other. When I told him about myself, he said he is totally fine with it. I told him, I am not beautiful, I am dark, I don’t look good. He said, it doesn’t matter, you are beautiful at heart! I will get married someday.

20.                    Would you love to be a mother?

Oh! Of course, I love kids. They are so cute. I love pulling their cheeks. People in my community say, I have to do some operation only then I can be a mother. I’ll probably do that, or adopt a child, or there’s surrogacy too. But I will raise a child, just like you all. Normally. I will have a family too.

21.                    What is your message to the society?

My message, well I started feeling different when I was around 10-11 years old, probably a child starts feeling different at that age. I faced a lot of insult and taunting. It doesn’t feel good. At all! Very painful. My parents didn’t accept me. I don’t want this to happen to anyone. I want the society to realize that we are just like you all. In other countries, trans genders roam freely like normal humans. The society has to start treating everyone equally. A person need not be beautiful from the outside, but he or she has to be beautiful from the inside. Beautiful in the heart. People have to understand, the two most important things in anyone’s life is Study and Money, if you don’t have these two things, it won’t work out. These are the two most prominent things. Please study, be educated and it will help you earn and have a good life. Men are good, their thoughts are nice. 50% of the men are nice and 50% are not.  We need to change the latter 50%. The world will then be a better place to live.

                               

             As we talk about equality between men and women, aren’t we forgetting the transsexuals, shemales or Hijras? Are they not humans?  It is so convenient for all of us to silence them, as we are not the one’s going through it. Had I not known Shrimati, I would probably have the same opinion everyone else has. Each one of us is unique, so let us not be judgmental. LIVE AND LET LIVE! We hope this interview has waded off all the stereotypes we normally have about Hijras. Yes, they have a beautiful heart like us. Let us embrace them with open heart and make them feel better.

We thank Shrimati for giving us this opportunity and agreeing to give an interview and taking an off from her job and spending an evening with us. Hope we made you feel beautiful about yourself Shrimati! You are a gem. Also, wherever the love of your life is, thank you so much to him for being the human he is. He is probably doing justice to his birth. We need more men like him. We need more humans like Shrimati. All our best wishes to you. Have a happy life. And we’ll soon meet in the trains.

-Rahul Bamane

Making the world a better place to live…