Love-less and Love-some

Dear 50 year old me,

I hope you are alive, knowing how unpredictable life is and moreover I hope you are happy with who you are. I know the thought of death crosses your mind a thousand times and you still make it to the next day. You know how uncertain life is and I need not tell you the incidents you have had to know how it feels to be alive and to breathe. You are lucky. You have no clue, how much I pray for your happiness and what things I do to make sure everything falls in the right place at least by the time you're 50. I so wish that you love yourself more now, please do. You know its been eighteen years and I still haven't achieved that goal. I hope you have stopped denoting things. I hope you take out time for yourself and write something everyday. I am sure by now you know the significance of "Me Time".See to it that you are happy and only then go around the world making others feel the same. I may sound like a narcissist 18 year old, but think about it, how superficial you are if you are trying to be this great person who made the people around him happy yet was the saddest person in the world. Don't forget what Selena Gomez told you, "I want you to know that its YOUR time, you and me bleed the same light, I want you to know, that YOU are yours, you and me, we're  the same force." You have always wondered how life throws lemons at you, all at the same time, isn't it conspicuous? That's what life does, but you know you don't have to take all that comes your way. Don't concur to everything that happens around you, question what is questionable, quarrel, where it's needed, stand up for someone, speak up for what is right. Still enjoying the minute details of life? Give them the heed, there is so much happiness in those tiny thing, you may pretend you know that but you'll never realize it. 18, 30 or 50 be gaiety, don't let that child inside you fade away, that is your only way to go back to where I am now. Prove it, that smart, geek or nerd is not boring. Feel good about yourself and your existence, don't let negativity control you. Be in that version of yourself which is happy, yet don't get wish to halt there, you may feel there is so much in the moment, why not wait here? but there's more to life, believe me. Have a perpetual impact on this world, you are here for a cause, discover it and then don't forget it. Try to acquire some cognizance of everything, it's impossible to know everything, but its possible to know something of everything. Remember, Demi told you, Let it go! Don't hold back anymore, Don't care what they say." Because the more you do, the more you'll get yourself down. The Silence, The Consciousness, it will kill you. If you think everyone is going to understand you, like you, be good to you, shut that thought, get out of that bubble.If everything is going good, then there's a problem. Someone told you, its good to have haters, its fun to walk fast, pretending to be the coolest and  saying "Screw You" in your mind, keep that in mind. There will always be censure, deal with it. Also, if you are wrong, accept it, atone for it, say a sorry, it will make a difference, may be not now but someday it will, never will it make you any smaller or any less of a man or person. Promise me, you will not slander anyone and will be kind and not callous. Don't be endemic, travel, roam, explore places, make the best of the time you have. Know that there is nothing wrong in being jubilant, until and unless you don't forget the start and the struggle. Be audacious, if when someone questions your authenticity, have the audacity to reply back, most of the these are internal jokes of the eighteenth year, you'll get nothing of this when fifty. You will not question yourself for the color you have or how you look, it doesn't matter. You know how real you are and how much inner beauty matters. Stay humble that's the most important thing in the world. Go to the sea often and stand in front of the endless ocean and realize how small you are, probably nothing and that Nothing Is Everything. Forget how much you were bullied and how much negativity had eaten you out. You were a paladin. You will be a better person each day and will smile. I know you still respect the women who deserve it and are doing something to make a this world a better place to live for them. People will come and go, you shall stay constant.You know nothing about this eighteen year old me, but I have written enough elsewhere for you to read. I won't ask you to move on, but move ahead, not because moving ahead is easy, but its the right thing to do. Don't waste time moving on or over someone, you don't need to do it. Keep moving ahead and everything else will be sorted. Share, Care and Love.     

                                                                    With Lots of Love

The Messed up 18 year old me.